Scott and SadieAh, Christmas music. For every Silent Night that fills you with cozy holiday vibes, there’s a festive dumpster fire that makes you want to spike the eggnog and rage-quit the season. Some songs are so bad they deserve their own lump of coal. Here are the top 10 worst Christmas songs of all time—songs that make you hit “skip” faster than a Black Friday deal on socks.
10. Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer
This one’s a classic… for all the wrong reasons. Nothing screams “Merry Christmas” like elder abuse set to a jaunty melody. Who thought this was a good idea?
9. I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas
This kid is asking Santa for a 4,000-pound animal with a murderous streak. Adorable, right? Wrong. This song is pure chaos wrapped in an obnoxious bow.
8. Do They Know It’s Christmas?
This song from the ’80s is peak tone-deafness disguised as charity. Newsflash: Africa has its own diverse cultures, and no, they don’t need Bono to explain Christmas to them.
7. Santa Baby
Here’s a tip: if you’re hitting on Santa, maybe don’t make it so creepy. This song is equal parts seductive and cringe-worthy—like a bad holiday-themed Tinder message.
6. The Christmas Shoes
Oh, great, a tearjerker about a kid’s dying mom. Because what everyone wants for Christmas is a side of gut-wrenching depression. Thanks for ruining the mood, guys.
5. Dominick the Donkey
Who the hell asked for a Christmas song about a braying donkey? This song is like a bad acid trip through a petting zoo, and it needs to stop.
4. Wonderful Christmastime
Paul McCartney is a legend, but this song is proof that even legends have off days. It’s repetitive, it’s grating, and it’s like getting socks for Christmas: uninspired.
3. Last Christmas
George Michael, we love you, but this song is overplayed, over-sappy, and just… over. Last Christmas? More like never again Christmas.
2. 12 Days of Christmas
Nobody cares about your birds or your lords-a-leaping. This song is too damn long, and by day six, we’re all praying for it to end.
1. All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth
This song is proof that kids shouldn’t write songs. Ever. It’s whiny, annoying, and makes us wish for a silent night.
What do you think? Did we miss any ear-bleeding holiday hits? Share the Christmas songs you absolutely can’t stand in the comments—we promise not to judge (much).
