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Thanksgiving: The Annual Caloric Catastrophe We Pretend to Be Surprised By

This Thanksgiving, Americans are set to consume over 2,000 calories in one meal, with some aiming for 5,000. Because nothing says gratitude like preparing for a coronary.

Ah, Thanksgiving—the cherished American tradition where we gather to express gratitude by stuffing our faces until we resemble overinflated parade balloons. According to Levity’s recent study, the average American will consume a staggering 2,092 calories at Thanksgiving dinner this year. That’s right, folks, in one sitting, we’re inhaling what should be an entire day’s worth of calories.

But wait, there’s more! Approximately 14% of us plan to devour over 3,000 calories, and a daring 4% aim to surpass the 5,000-calorie mark. Because nothing says “I’m thankful” like preparing for a coronary.

Post-Thanksgiving, the gluttony continues with an average of 2,270 calories consumed from leftovers. Because who doesn’t want to relive the gastronomic regret for days on end?

Our favorite dishes? Roasted turkey (47%), mashed potatoes (42%), stuffing (34%), and macaroni and cheese (24%). Meanwhile, cranberry sauce languishes at the bottom with a mere 16% approval. Because even in our gluttony, we have standards.

Dessert preferences are a close race, with apple pie (24%) narrowly edging out pumpkin pie (23%). Because after consuming a small farm’s worth of food, what’s another slice of pie?

Interestingly, younger generations are less inclined toward traditional fare. Three in ten Gen Zers are skipping the turkey, and nearly half are saying no to mashed potatoes. Because nothing says rebellion like rejecting carbs.

So, as we prepare to indulge in this annual feast of excess, let’s remember: it’s not just about the food. It’s about the shared experience of eating ourselves into a stupor and pretending we’ll do better next year.

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Scott and Sadie

Meet Scott and Sadie: the anti-heroes of morning radio turned podcast renegades. Scott’s 40 years in broadcasting have left him fluent in snark, while Sadie’s nepotistic origins (thanks, Mom!) brought the unfiltered charm that made them a Northern Colorado favorite. After corporate radio ghosted them harder than a bad Tinder date, the duo ditched FCC babysitters and went full rogue. Now, they’re back with a podcast that’s equal parts wit, sarcasm, and a big middle finger to mediocrity. Loyal fans, curious newcomers, or algorithm strays—welcome to the chaos.

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