Starbucks’ Restroom Rules Get a Rewrite—Here’s What We Really Want to See Next!

If you thought Starbucks was just a place to grab overpriced coffee and subtly judge people working on their “screenplays,” think again. They’re also ground zero for restroom drama. Remember back in 2018 when they made restrooms available to everyone, customers or not? Yeah, that didn’t go over as smoothly as a caramel macchiato.

Fast forward to today, and the chain is rethinking its “open restroom” policy. They’re not saying they’ll ban non-customers from using them, but they’re exploring ways to strike a balance between being “inclusive” and not turning every location into a gas station bathroom with a much better aroma.

But let’s be honest—there are way bigger fish to fry (or beans to roast). The real question is, what other rules should Starbucks implement to improve the “coffee experience”? Let’s dive into the top five rules we wish Starbucks would adopt:

The Top Five New Rules We Want to See at Starbucks

1. No More Custom Orders That Take Longer Than the Lord of the Rings Trilogy
   Look, Karen, if your coffee order requires more than three adjectives, it’s not coffee anymore—it’s a dessert. Let’s cap it at “tall, soy, no whip” and call it a day.
2. Ban All Non-Work Laptop Activities in the Lobby
   We see you binge-watching Netflix for five hours while nursing a single iced tea. The rest of us would like to find a seat too. Unless you’re working on a novel, you’re outta here.
3. Automatic Timeout for Loud Name Shouters
   We get it—you’re excited to see Emily, but this is a coffee shop, not a football game. Keep the shouting to a minimum, or face a five-minute timeout in the corner with a decaf latte.
4. Hipster Tax on Avocado Toast and Oat Milk
   If your outfit costs more than the barista’s monthly rent, you’re getting charged an extra $2. It’s only fair since you’re the reason oat milk costs $9.
5. No More Seasonal Drink Overload
   Starbucks, we love your creativity, but do we really need 17 different versions of pumpkin spice? How about one classic and call it good?

Your Turn: Are You a Starbucks Loyalist?

Do you hit the drive-thru, hang out in the lobby, or avoid Starbucks altogether? What’s your favorite coffee spot? Share your thoughts on coffee culture—and your go-to drink—in the comments below!

(CNN)