Top 10 Christmas Cocktails to Get You Through the Holiday Madness (Because Eggnog Won’t Drink Itself)

Let’s face it: Christmas isn’t all chestnuts and caroling. It’s braving parking lots that look like the Thunderdome, untangling lights that somehow turned into a Gordian knot in your attic, and pretending to enjoy dry-as-the-Sahara fruitcake from your second cousin. If you’re not half in the bag by December 25th, are you even doing the holidays right? Enter the glorious world of Christmas cocktails—the only reason we all don’t spontaneously combust in a tinsel-fueled rage.

Here are 10 boozy concoctions that’ll have you fa-la-la-la-laughing at Uncle Jerry’s bad jokes in no time.

1. Eggnog (a.k.a. Dairy That Gets You Drunk)

The Pitch: It’s not Christmas without someone saying, “Does anyone even like eggnog?” Well, I do—when it’s 80% booze.
The History: George Washington, yes that George, had his own eggnog recipe. Spoiler alert: It could tranquilize a horse.
Recipe:

• 4 egg yolks
• 1 cup sugar (divided)
• 2 cups whole milk
• 1 cup heavy cream
• 1 ½ cups bourbon
• ½ cup brandy
• 1 tsp nutmeg
  Instructions: Whisk the yolks and half the sugar. Add milk, cream, booze, and nutmeg. Fold in egg whites beaten with the other half of sugar. Serve chilled, and prepare to be very chill.

2. Mulled Wine (a.k.a. Hot Sangria for Cold People)

The Pitch: Simmer some wine, slap in some spices, and voila—your house smells festive enough to distract from your life choices.
The History: Mulled wine’s been around since the Romans (because even conquering Gaul gets cold). It starred in A Christmas Carol, so basically, Dickens approved.
Recipe:

• 1 bottle red wine (cheap, no one’s judging)
• ¼ cup brandy
• 1 orange, sliced
• 2 cinnamon sticks
• 4 cloves
• 2 tbsp honey
  Instructions: Heat everything on low for 10 minutes. Do not boil unless you want sad, sober wine.

3. Hot Buttered Rum (a.k.a. A Liquid Hug)

The Pitch: When the weather outside is frightful, this buttery, boozy nectar is your new best friend.
The History: Pirates drank rum, so this basically makes you Jack Sparrow, minus the eyeliner.
Recipe:

• 2 oz dark rum
• 1 tbsp butter (yes, really)
• 1 tsp brown sugar
• Pinch of cinnamon and nutmeg
• Hot water
  Instructions: Melt butter and sugar in a mug. Add rum and spices. Top with hot water. Pretend you’re classy.

4. Candy Cane Martini (a.k.a. Sweet, Minty Mistake)

The Pitch: This peppermint monstrosity is just the right amount of tacky to match your ugly Christmas sweater.
The History: No famous origins, but it tastes like a drunk elf made it.
Recipe:

• 1 oz vanilla vodka
• 1 oz peppermint schnapps
• 1 oz white crème de cacao
• Crushed candy canes for garnish
  Instructions: Shake with ice. Strain into a glass rimmed with crushed candy canes. Sip and wonder why you didn’t just eat the candy cane.

5. Irish Coffee (a.k.a. Booze for Breakfast)

The Pitch: For when you need caffeine and alcohol to deal with Christmas morning chaos.
The History: Created in Ireland in the 1940s to warm up cold American tourists. If it’s good enough for them, it’s good enough for you.
Recipe:

• 1 cup hot coffee
• 1 tsp brown sugar
• 1 ½ oz Irish whiskey
• Heavy cream, lightly whipped
  Instructions: Stir sugar and whiskey into coffee. Top with cream and remember: calories don’t count at Christmas.

6. Spiked Cider (a.k.a. Apple Pie in a Mug)

The Pitch: Sweet, spicy, and strong enough to keep you from decking the halls and your relatives.
Recipe:

• 1 cup apple cider
• 1 ½ oz spiced rum
• 1 cinnamon stick
• Orange slice
  Instructions: Heat cider with cinnamon stick. Add rum and garnish with the orange. Sip while side-eyeing the kids’ table.

7. The Snowball (a.k.a. Eggnog’s Cousin Who Went to Europe)

The Pitch: It’s creamy, fizzy, and ridiculous.
The History: Hugely popular in Britain, probably because they’ll drink anything.
Recipe:

• 2 oz advocaat (egg-based liqueur)
• Lemonade (British-style, so think Sprite)
• Squeeze of lime
  Instructions: Shake advocaat with lime. Pour into a glass and top with lemonade. Try not to laugh at its absurdity.

8. Cranberry Moscow Mule (a.k.a. Festive in a Copper Cup)

The Pitch: The zing of ginger beer + tart cranberry = a sleigh ride for your taste buds.
Recipe:

• 2 oz vodka
• ½ oz cranberry juice
• Ginger beer
• Lime wedge
• Cranberries for garnish
  Instructions: Fill your mule mug with ice, add vodka and cranberry juice, then top with ginger beer. Garnish and sip smugly.

9. Poinsettia (a.k.a. Champagne, but Make It Christmas)

The Pitch: Bubbles and booze make even your tackiest holiday party bearable.
Recipe:

• ½ oz triple sec
• 3 oz cranberry juice
• 3 oz champagne
  Instructions: Mix juice and triple sec, then top with champagne. Raise a toast to barely surviving another year.

10. The Grinch (a.k.a. Sour but Sweet, Like You After Two Drinks)

The Pitch: Green, citrusy, and capable of growing your liver three sizes.
Recipe:

• 1 oz Midori (melon liqueur)
• 1 oz vodka
• ½ oz lemon juice
• Splash of Sprite
  Instructions: Shake everything except Sprite with ice. Pour into a glass and top with Sprite. Garnish with a cherry and your worst holiday memory.

Whether you’re drowning out Mariah Carey or mustering the courage to fake-smile through your Secret Santa gift, these cocktails are here to save you. Just remember to pace yourself—after all, you’ve got a long season of cheer ahead. Drink responsibly, or at least don’t embarrass yourself so much that you become the family’s cautionary tale. Cheers! 🥂