Scott and SadieAh, the movie theater—a sacred space where we can escape reality, immerse ourselves in cinematic magic, and, if we’re lucky, not be surrounded by a**holes. According to a YouGov survey, Americans have spoken, and they’ve laid down the law on what constitutes acceptable behavior in the hallowed halls of popcorn and overpriced soda.
So, for those of you who need a refresher on how not to be the most hated person in the room, here are the top five things you should never do in a movie theater:
- Talking During the Movie: Seriously, shut the hell up. The survey reveals that 85% of Americans find talking during the film to be the ultimate sin. Your witty commentary isn’t as clever as you think, and no one paid $15 to hear your take on the plot.
- Using Your Phone: A whopping 66% of respondents can’t stand it when someone whips out their phone. That glowing screen is like a beacon of douchebaggery in the dark. Unless you’re a surgeon on call, put it away.
- Arriving Late: Over half of the audience (52%) gets annoyed when you stroll in after the movie has started. Plan your life better. The world doesn’t revolve around you, and neither does the film schedule.
- Bringing Noisy Snacks: Crunching on chips or slurping on a drink like it’s your last meal is a no-go for 49% of moviegoers. Stick to soft snacks, or better yet, eat before you come. No one wants to hear your mastication marathon.
- Kicking the Seat in Front of You: This one’s a pet peeve for 48% of respondents. Unless you’re five years old (and even then, control your spawn), keep your damn feet to yourself. The back of the seat isn’t your personal footrest.
In conclusion, don’t be that person who ruins the movie experience for everyone else. Follow these simple guidelines, and maybe, just maybe, you’ll make it through a screening without someone fantasizing about strangling you with a Twizzler.
