Japan’s ‘Human Washing Machine’: Because Bathing Yourself Is So Last Century

In a groundbreaking leap for the terminally lazy, Japan is resurrecting the “human washing machine” at the upcoming Osaka Kansai Expo. Originally a flop at the 1970 Japan World Exposition, this contraption is back, now boasting AI and sensors to scrub you clean while you sit on your ass.

Developed by Osaka-based Science Co., the “Mirai Ningen Sentakuki” (human washing machine of the future) is set to pamper visitors with a 15-minute wash-and-dry cycle. It even projects calming images to ensure you feel refreshed—because God forbid you lift a finger to wash your own armpits.

Company chairman Yasuaki Aoyama, who was mesmerized by the original machine as a child, is determined to make his childhood dream a reality. “We’re about 70 percent there,” he said, aiming to offer 1,000 visitors the chance to experience this marvel during the expo.

So, have we become so lazy that we can’t even bathe ourselves? What’s next—a machine to chew our food and wipe our asses? At this rate, we’ll be outsourcing breathing.

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